Chapter 38: Sudden Realization
Night had fallen. When Jiang Manxin returned to the dormitory, she saw Kong Yiyue still in the same position she had been in when she left—her arms wrapped around her bent knees, her gaze unfocused as if she were deep in thought.
Seeing that her opening the door hadn't caught Kong Yiyue's attention at all, Jiang Manxin felt a bit puzzled. She walked over to her bed, studied her for a moment, then sat down on the edge and asked, “What's wrong with you?”
Jiang Manxin had noticed that Kong Yiyue had been acting off since she came back at noon. She wondered if it was because of some disagreement with Hou Guanglue, and then remembered that she had deliberately left them alone. If the two had had a falling out because of that, she felt somewhat responsible.
At the sound of her voice, Kong Yiyue finally pulled herself out of her thoughts. She slowly looked up at Jiang Manxin, and knowing she was worried, said, “It's nothing. I just have some things I can't figure out.”
“Tell me about it,” Jiang Manxin prompted.
Kong Yiyue knew she really had no one else to talk to about this. While she got along well with her female classmates, they had never truly opened up to each other, so she couldn't discuss this with them. If she mentioned it to Pinglan, she'd probably want to strangle her. Thinking it over, Jiang Manxin seemed to be the only person close to her whom she could trust.
Kong Yiyue sighed. Ever since Fu Jinting had come back, her emotions had been completely out of her control—she hated that feeling more than anything.
“I always thought I was certain to get what I wanted with that matter, but after all these years of going back and forth, the moment he returns, he's so cold and harsh toward me. I can't help but feel disheartened and sad.”
Jiang Manxin sharply picked up on a single word in her statement: “Him?”
Kong Yiyue nodded. “Mm.”
“The boyfriend you mentioned before?”
“Yes. After starting this new life, the thought of winning him over has been what kept me going. I don't want to struggle through my future, so I want to find someone reliable to build it with.”
Jiang Manxin caught the implication in her words. “Is he a rich second-generation?”
“You could say that,” Kong Yiyue replied. “Wealthy and powerful, good-looking, and capable too.”
Jiang Manxin said, “With conditions that good, are you sure he'll even look twice at you?”
Kong Yiyue was actually glad she was being so straightforward with her questions. “Can I say I've never even thought about that?”
“What!” Jiang Manxin was astonished. “You haven't thought about these things? Then what have you been thinking about?”
“Because deep down, I've always felt I could win him over, and that he'd be with me. I've never left myself a way out, or considered what I'd do if he rejected me. Jiang Manxin, you think I'm being ridiculous, don't you?”
Jiang Manxin set aside her surprised expression and smiled. “It's rare to see someone chase a guy so recklessly. Kong Yiyue, what then? If you do catch him, what next? Get married, have kids, raise them?”
That was indeed what Kong Yiyue had in mind.
Jiang Manxin pressed further: “Then what makes you think you'd be able to maintain your marriage afterward? With conditions that good, there'll be no shortage of women lining up to have him—just like you are now. Besides, there are so many temptations in society. After a few years of marriage and children, when you're older and your looks fade, with no career to speak of, do you think he'll still stay faithful to your marriage?”
Jiang Manxin calmly and cruelly laid out the reality—no matter how beautiful the fantasy, it couldn't stand up to the passage of time, changes in feelings, or shifts in human nature.
Kong Yiyue was stunned. She wanted to argue, but couldn't find the words. Suddenly, she thought back to her previous life. Hadn't the breakdown of her marriage with Lin Anyi been because their relationship wasn't solid enough?
She had always been cold and distant toward him. Even though she'd taken care of his daily life, she'd never been warm or enthusiastic, and they'd rarely talked much.
She'd never felt like she couldn't live without him, so maybe Lin Anyi had sensed that, which was why he'd given in to temptation and cheated?
The thought made Kong Yiyue's expression darken. Seeing her speechless, Jiang Manxin watched her quietly, thinking to herself: When it comes to love, everyone's a fool.
She couldn't help but ask: “How does he feel about you?”
Kong Yiyue thought for a moment, a bitter smile on her lips. “Maybe he was attracted to me once.”
“Just attracted, not in love?”
“Mm.”
Jiang Manxin asked another question: “What about you? Are you just attracted to him, or do you love him?”
“I…” Kong Yiyue paused, biting her lower lip. After a long moment, she said, “I think… I do love him.”
Jiang Manxin was incredulous. “So you're planning to chase him, but you didn't even love him yet! Yiyue, with an attitude like that, who'd dare say yes to you!”
Kong Yiyue smiled. “I suppose I was wrong. Manxin, I know how to handle this now.”
Kong Yiyue suddenly realized that for so long, she'd been trapped in her own misconceptions. In her previous life, besides Lin Anyi, if there was one man who had truly attracted her and made her feel affection, it was definitely Fu Jinting.
After learning about Lin Anyi's infidelity, she'd often asked herself why she'd chosen him—why she'd picked someone like him to spend decades of her life with.
The answer seemed obvious now: when it was time to get married, she hadn't actively fought for her own happiness. When he'd come along, she'd had no desires or demands, so she'd accepted him without reason.
After starting over, she'd told herself that Fu Jinting would be the one she'd rely on for life, the man she'd spend her life with.
But perhaps that desire had been too strong, leading Kong Yiyue to be presumptuous and overconfident whenever it came to Fu Jinting.
Assuming he would be hers, assuming she could win him over, assuming he'd love her back. But reality was different—when it came to love, how could anyone be moved if the pursuer hadn't truly put their heart into it?
If she couldn't move him, how could she win him over? And to move him, she needed to truly love him with all her heart.
Kong Yiyue asked herself if she really loved Fu Jinting. It was a difficult question to answer, but she knew she'd never wanted anyone else besides him in her life.
Even if he truly didn't love her, and they couldn't end up together in the end, at least that conclusion would come only after she'd given it her all.
For now, she just wanted to calm down and think about how to ease the tension between her and Fu Jinting.
After returning to Qinglin City, Fu Jinting was naturally swamped with work.
The next noon, Kong Yiyue happened to run into Xiang Yi at the library and hoped to have a chat with him.
Unlike Zhong Ziyang, who wore his heart on his sleeve and was easy to read, Xiang Yi kept his thoughts hidden.
Xiang Yi guessed that Kong Yiyue had realized from their phone call the previous day that Zhong Ziyang had been persuaded not to support her pursuing Fu Jinting, so she'd come looking for him instead.
Aware of the situation, he heard Kong Yiyue say, “I didn't expect to run into you here. Would you like to have a cup of coffee with me?”
Xiang Yi wasn't sure if this was a genuine coincidence or intentional, but then he thought—he had no fixed schedule for coming to the library, and there was no way she'd skip morning classes just to wait here for him. He must be overthinking it.
Seeing Xiang Yi shake his head slightly with a hint of helplessness, Kong Yiyue explained, “I really didn't know you'd be at the library today. We just got out of third period, and I stopped by to return some books on my way.”
Xiang Yi was a bit surprised by her explanation, but kept his expression neutral as he said, “If I have time, sure.” He'd agreed to her request.
Kong Yiyue smiled warmly and said, “Thank you.”
Xiang Yi had always known what was going on—he just didn't show it. He also knew what she was thanking him for: she wanted to find out about Fu Jinting's situation from him, didn't she?
It seemed like the only topic Kong Yiyue wanted to discuss with Xiang Yi was Fu Jinting.
After sitting down at a café near campus, Kong Yiyue was still trying to figure out how to bring up the topic without seeming abrupt when Xiang Yi kindly broached it first: “You want to talk about Fu Jinting?”
Kong Yiyue nodded. “I'm sorry—I really have no other way. He's busy with things in Qinglin City, and I don't dare bother him.”
Xiang Yi smiled gently. “You don't dare? Are you sure about that?”
Kong Yiyue couldn't help but laugh. “It seems I've completely lost any reputation for being reserved in everyone's eyes.”
Xiang Yi smiled without commenting. “You know about Fu Jinting's family background. Many people only see his prominent family and wealth, but they never think that those very things restrict his freedom.”
Kong Yiyue was silent for a moment before saying, “I understand.”
“I don't think you do,” Xiang Yi stated firmly.
“Hm?”
“You say you want to pursue Fu Jinting—I can understand that. After all, plenty of girls like him. But what I don't understand is why you're moving forward, yet you don't seem to want to reach his heart. Is it that you don't care about him, or… do you have other plans?”
Kong Yiyue hadn't expected talking to Xiang Yi would be this challenging—his questions hit the mark every time, leaving her speechless.
“Kong Yiyue, I don't know what Fu Jinting is thinking, and I can't tell you much. But I can give you this piece of advice: between his family and you, he chose the former. He doesn't want his future to be filled with difficulties and risks of going against his family, so you should respect his choice.”
“…”
Kong Yiyue wanted to explain something, but her pale lips moved slightly, and in the end, no words came out.
One thought repeated itself over and over in her mind: Between his family and me, he chose to give me up.
He chose to give me up.
Those eight words echoed in her head again and again. Her heart didn't ache, but an indescribable weight pressed down on her, making it hard to breathe. It felt… unbearable, so unbearable…
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